Friday Feeling

I Got That Friday Feeling!

friday feelingI’m feeling really good today, in general. I’m at work, but I am still feeling good. Hey, it’s Friday; Friday’s are always good because you’re looking forward to the weekend and to being able to chill and take a load off, if you’re lucky that way. I’m child free, so yes, I am one of the lucky ones. Apologies for rubbing it in. Although, I have heard it’s one of the best things ever to have a little one of your own, and they’re such a blessing, and so on and so forth. I’m sure that is all very true, but while I am not yet a mother I am going to enjoy my chilled weekend doing whatever I want, when I want and how I want; And while I am not yet blessed enough to be a mum, I will be blissfully unaware, enjoying my free time. Hoosarr…

Look At The Baby!

Speaking of children; A girl I work with who is on her maternity leave at the moment, came into the office today with her 3 month old baby boy, Bobbie. You should have seen how the atmosphere changed instantly, the minute we all seen them come through the door.

My place of work is massively female-dominated; all you could hear were grown women making silly noises and screaming every time the baby cracked a smile or gurgled, (so cute though). So, as you could imagine, the men that work here were scarce, probably just because they were scared they might catch the broody-bug. Hmm… Maybe; maybe not. We didn’t care anyway, more cuddles for us!

Playing with a little baby is so much fun; when you can pass them back to the mum after a while. Although, you do often hear mums say how much they love their child and how they can’t stop looking at them, and admiring every new thing they do. It’s very intriguing.

I guess I will need to look into this soon, because my biological clock is tick, tick, ticking away.  I would have to have IVF, though, so my doctor’s advised, but you never know; miracles do happen.  You see, I had an ectopic pregnancy a few years ago and the baby grew to 7.2 centimetres in my fallopian tube, which had to be removed.  I guess it just wasn’t the right time for me, but I am still feeling positive about the whole situation. It’s fine.

Back To My Friday Feeling!

Anyway, moving on. I must admit. My idea of Friday fun is a little different nowadays. It used to be getting dressed up and meeting friends in a pub or party to dance and drink and drink and dance until we literally could do no more dancing or drinking. But a hangover in them days was much easier to deal with; a shower, greasy burger and an energy drink later, you were ready to do it all over again. The mere thought of it now makes my stomach churn. Blaa… If I were to attempt this these-days, I would resemble a cabbage laid on the couch for the whole weekend, sipping an Alka-Seltzer in my own little pity party. Not fun at all.

This all being said, I have got the major Friday feeling today. I love it! When the clock strikes 5:PM I’m gonna’ get in my lime green, Vauxhall Adam (car), blast my fave Spotify playlist called Divas, sing my heart out (with the windows up), get home, plonk myself down, annnnd relax, (sigh). It’s so exciting.

Active Weekend! …Kinda’

We (my partner and I) are going to Moel Famau tomorrow morning to climb some mountains and just walk around for a few hours. I am trying to prepare myself for the gym on Monday because I haven’t been for around 4 years. I’m 3 stone heavier, so now’s about time; I am not getting any thinner doing nothing, that’s for certain. Apparently, it’s because I am content; or because I’m happy and in love. Yeah, obviously! ‘Coz it’s nothing to do with the fact that I can clear a box of Jaffa cakes in 2 minutes flat! So delicious... Oh-well, rice cakes and water as of Monday. I’ll get used to it after a while. Hoping! 

The weekend is just around the corner! I’ll update you all about our trip to the mountains on Saturday. Is it bad that I’m overjoyed because I know I can pig-out this weekend because Gym-time isn’t until MONDAY?! Woo-hoo! Let’s get this weekend started!

 

Click below to read blog post: Driving Me Crazy

driving me crazy blog post

 

 

Driving Me Crazy

The First Step Towards The Rest Of My Life – Driving

One day last year in February, I decided I wanted to make a change in my life.  I wanted to defy my self beliefs of not deserving great things. I thought, what’s the main thing that limits me to what I can do? That thing was transport. Driving my own vehicle and getting my independance was my next goal; and at the ripe age of 32, I knew this was going to be a challenge.

I had many, many lessons, spending most of my money on learning to drive, (and taxis). And I spent most of my time on studying the high-way code and then passing my theory test in March 2016. Then a few months passed and I was ready! My instructor said, I was definitely ready to take my practical test.

DrivingCrazy

My first practical driving test was in June 2016. I remember feeling quietly confident when driving to the test centre with my instructor, but then as we started to approach the building where I would meet my examiner, I immediately began to feel unexplainably terrified. I was visualising over and over in my mind, visions of myself being told, I am sorry, Sarah, you have failed.

Flapping Like A Pigeon

I tried to remember all of the answers to the ‘show me-tell me’ questions, where you must either show or tell the examiner how you would, for instance: check your oil, know when your brakes aren’t working and/or turn on your windscreen wipers, etc…. but I couldn’t think of them. I knew them all before, but now I don’t. Just don’t cry; do not cry! I told myself. My stress levels continued to rise.

Basically, I totally flapped! I was flapping like a pigeon stuck in a chimney. Everything… well near enough everything that could have went wrong, did. So, the lady examiner called my name, and we head outside towards the car I was about to drive her around in; for 40 minutes; whilst being closely examined on my every move.

Okay, I’m not ready, I am sooo not ready, I thought.

Biggest Fear Followed By Bigger Fear

As we get closer to the car,what did I notice swarming all around it? It’s one of my biggest fears: Two inch long, winged insects with black and yellow striped bodies, armed with a little stinging sword on their butts and an irritating buzzing sound to top it off… Yes, they were WASPS! They just had to, didn’t they? Today of all days! And did they have to sit on the bonnet just as I was asked to open it? Ohhhh, of course they did! I thought, resentfully.

As much as I was scared to start my driving test, I just wanted to get inside the car away from the taunting wasps. At this point I was really worked up inside. The sweat was literally dripping down my face and into my eyes. This is not good when you wear glasses and are also wearing quite a bit of mascara. Not waterproof, by the way. This was out of the ‘norm’ for me as I am not usually a ‘sweaty’ person. So there was also that added paranoia that the examiner was thinking, my god… who sweats like that? 

When I started the car, my hands started to shake in an embarassing and very noticable way. I could feel my feet trembling on the pedals. My entire focus was stuck on what my body was doing and on the fear of doing wrong. It was not good.

The Bitter Ending

Inevitably,  I didn’t do well with my driving. I started in the wrong gear, I hit the curb and I nearly knocked off the left wing mirror on an old brick wall along a narrow country lane… as well as another 10 x driving faults. My previous lessons went extremely well, though. What was my problem? Anyway, of course, I failed my test. Hey! I must be psycic because that’s exactly what I imagined I would be told. This is me being sarcastic; I’m no psycic. I didn’t fore-see my future but I certainly did create it.

About Turn!

I went on and booked another test. And another. These kind of ended the same way, although, in result of all these tests I wasn’t as nervous but I still wasn’t completely confident in my abilities. I wasn’t in the here and now; I was over-thinking everything, getting worked up and then making enough mistakes to make me fail. Again. Something had to be done, and more driving lessons was not the answer this time.

followtherainbow

Finally, I booked my fourth test. I booked it for the 17th January 2017, 14:32PM.

My instructor, who I had been learning with since Jan/Feb last year, was due to retire mid December. I had no one to give me lessons for my up-coming test booked for the following month. Before Christmas I called every driving school around and each of them told me either they were fully booked up or there not taking bookings until after the new year.
So anyway, I continued my search, but no such luck. I then thought, it’s fine, it’s all going to be fine. Surely something will come up.I just need to have faith all will work out for the best.

I continued on with my life after new year and enjoyed time with family and friends and my partner and I played with our new toys we got for Christmas. All was good. One morning we had decided to go for a walk and my partner, Rob, could have a go at flying his drone on a nearby field. We head out, and as I walk out of our front gate I notice a sign that read, Chris Kelly Driving School. It was sat on top of an instructor’s car.

As Rob walked out after me, a man appeared from around the corner and walks towards this car with the sign, and opens the door. Rob says, “Sarah, go and ask him if he could fit you in for lessons,and take you to your test!” I felt a bit shy, and thought,I don’t know. Chris Kelly Driving School told me that they’re fully booked.

Rob then shouts towards the man, “Excuse me mate!” The man said, “hi, you okay?” Rob continued “my girlfriend has booked her test which is just in a couple of weeks, and she has no car to be able to do it, could you fit her in at all, and maybe for a couple lessons in your car to get used to it?” He replied, “yeah, that’s not a problem, any time your free,just give me a call later.” Then he gave me his mobile number and everything went smashingly from there.

The lessons I had with the new instructor were completely different to what I was used to with the old one. I was left to my own skill and gained much needed confidence from them. I felt at ease. And I began to feel like a driver, and actually enjoyed driving!

Was it a coincidence that the ‘Chris Kelly’ car was at the right place at the right time? Or was it because I had faith that all would be fine? Over the Christmas period I done a lot of meditating and really worked on trying to see the good in every situation. I like to believe this is why everything worked out.

You Can Do It

A couple weeks later I had my fourth driving test.

Taking a different approach this time, while waiting in the waiting room for my examiner, I breathed slowly and deeply counting each breath, and noticing my breath. When I felt myself getting nervous in the car I made a concious effort to ‘stay in the now’ and be aware of my surroundings, from the feeling of my hands on the steering wheel to the colour of the cars infront of me. All the while remembering to breath and believe, I can do this!

Finally, we approach the test centre. The place I once, twice, three times dreaded, I now couldn’t wait to park up! I already knew the outcome. No time was wasted as I parked I was immediately told I had passed! I only had two minor faults! Amazing! The second I was told I burst into tears and banged my head on the steering wheel leading to histerical laughter. I was Over. The. Moon.

pass
I passed on Tuesday and had my own car by Monday evening. I just could not wait!

Someone ‘Up There’ Loves Me

I got a car on finance from Vauxhalls, a lime green Adam, nicknamed: Sweet Pea. I love her so much. It was strange how I initially was refused finance, after having a quote and two hour appointment with the dealer. So then Rob said, “I’ll pop over with you and It can go in my name, we’re going to have you driving babe.”

We arrive, Saturday afternoon. We take a seat and the dealer, a lovely elderly man named Tony, asks Rob, “okay, can I see your driving license, please?” Oh great. I thought. You need a license to get finance for a car. Of course.

Tony looked devastated for us. Or maybe for the sale, he has just potentially lost, who knows. Tony walks back and to from a little office in the corner. Then he walks back over to us and asks Rob if he could just get a bank loan of £7000 to buy the car. This was not an option for Rob, nor would I want him to do that. Tony then has his head in his hands, and suddenly darts off to the little office again.

He returns with, “Right, we can attempt to try this through a different finance company; it will have to be hire purchase, over five years instead of three, and it will be about £25 more per month. Shall we try?” I said yes. I just want to drive, yes please try this, Tony.

He walks off to the mysterious office once more, and returns shortly after. He says to me, “I’m sorry, I’m not wearing my glasses, can you just read that word at the top for me please?” I looked and readout slowly, “app….rov….ed. Approved!!” The man laughed in delight as did we all. I am a driver.

sweetpeaandme
Monday night, straight after work I was able to pick up my car, (oh-my-god), and drive it home. All on my own. I can’t describe the feeling; Independance, joy, excitement!! So many feelings. At 33 years of age, this is one hell of an accomplishment.

Everything worked out perfectly. Though there were some events that could have disheartened me, I didn’t allow them to. I continuously thought, what’s meant to be will be. Full stop.

Coincidence or not, believing that everything is fine, has got me where I wanted. Not all in one day, but eventually. No bad feelings, just faith that it will all work out for my highest good. You’ve just got to carry on going for your dream. In this case, it was my Sweet Pea. My Sweet Pea and me.

Driving miss daisy
driving miss daisy

God speed.